Sometimes it is the small and insignificant moments that give the greatest pleasures. Of course there are times of earth shattering wonder but they are, I’m afraid, few and far between. Instead there are the little things: new bread, finding an orange flavoured Revel on the dashboard, electric blankets, ripe pears, new underpants, a letter, an overheard song, a telephone call, a chance meeting, sunshine etc etc. One of the other things that I would like to add to this (potentially) very long list is finding a real and genuine email in my Spam filter: lurking like a red Jelly Baby amongst the Viagra, Fake Rolex, winning lottery tickets and a selection of accommodating Slavic ladies.
Apart from that it is turning into a week of rushing from one place to another or, if you need an idiom, from pillar to post. The origin of this phrase is, I believe, to do with pillories (where one stood in order to be roundly abused by the village toughs) and posts (where one was tied for a good whipping). Quite why anybody would want to rush from one of these to another I have no idea: if it was up to me I would prefer to dawdle along the way rather than hurrying along – it would be good to recover from one ghastly experience before launching into a bit of whipping.
As I mentioned last week I have had bulbs landing on doorsteps all over the shop and have had to rush about scattering. In the past two days, for example, I have either self-scattered or organised the scattering of somewhere in the region of eleven thousand bulbs in six different places ranging from the far Cotswolds to the nether reaches of lower Leicestershire. I am rather hoping that I never have to handle another tulip but I fear that might be wishful thinking on my part – is is probably preferable to dealing with a large and ancient septic tank which has been another of my tasks this week. Amongst other gardeny things that have happened is the planting of about six hundred yews, twenty five metres of 2m high beech hedging, three laurels and one Sisyrinchium striatum. I was hoping to plant roses as well but the rose supplier has disappeared without trace (see past crossnesses and grumpling in previous posts) and has not answered telephone calls or emails for over a month so I have had to go elsewhere.
On the subject of grumpling there has been much of it going around: especially when it comes to Mr Titchmarsh’s new programme where he swans around various gardens explaining history and heritage. All well and good: interesting facts, nicely made, pretty pictures and the odd black and white photograph of chaps with good whiskers. The programme then darts off to other places to talk to other people – like the terminally enthusiastic Tom Hart-Dyke (who, for those interested in genealogy, is a cousin of mine) or the excellently bearded Graham Alcorn at Ascog Fernery on the Isle of Bute (who is not a relation but who I know from Mount Stuart).
Where the complaints seem to gather is when AT stops talking and explaining and suddenly starts making something in the style of whichever garden he happens to be in at the time: for example: a turf seat, a bit of trompe d’oeil, an ace of spades planted with Thymes or an example of false perspective. It is quite an odd concept but you can understand how it happens: as I mentioned in a comment on Helen’s blog it would have involved a BBC committee deciding that all this wandering around big gardens it was maybe all a bit high falutin and elitist and what was needed was a bit of practical help for the average gardener. It is an attempt to make everybody happy which, as every government from the Romans onwards have discovered, is very difficult and usually only succeeds in mildly annoying most people.
People get remarkably worked up about garden television – a quick look at the BBC Messageboard will illustrate this marvellously (although make it a quick look as there are some extraordinarily vitriolic folk out there). I am sure that there is not as much fuss about, say, programmes about history or antique furniture or beaches or fluffy bunnies or whatever. But it is really just a programme about gardens and the intention is to mix a bit of entertainment with a bit of information. For most people it succeeds, Alan is (whatever you may think of his jaunty hair) an excellent presenter and as it is the only garden programme we have then it is better than nothing.
Tomorrow we are filming the Three Men Went To Mow seasonal extravaganza: we are as yet uncertain exactly what form this will take but hope that inspiration will strike before we all freeze or get ejected. On Friday I am lunching at Wisley with no lesser being than the Director-General of the RHS: last time I did such a thing, with the previous incumbent, she had resigned within a month. Let us hope that history does not repeat itself otherwise I may well end up in a pillory.
My shoulder is fine (thank you to all those who expressed concern and interest) and is now being subjected to physiotherapy which involves a certain amount of constructive pain every week and some tedious exercises in between sessions.
I am listening to Spor by Warrior Dubz.
The picture is of some Crocii.
In 2007 my posts were mercifully short.
With a few cleverly designed artillery pieces – perhaps modelled on a potato cannon? – I am sure you could strew bulbs tastefully across the country without all this potentially painful dashing about to pillars and posts.
I am unfamiliar with the potato cannon although I can see the potential. With small bulbs like Camassias or Allium shaerocephalon the secret is to throw each handful high and wide and then plant where they fall.
We would need to adapt the cannon into a mortar in order to get the correct trajectory.
More familiarity with the subject than any sane person could possibly want can be obtained at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spud_gun
Thank you indeed for your comment on my post – I agree with your sentiments. This week’s episode was better and I wonder if the 18th century’s landscape movement was too much of a challenge for Mr T to come up with projects for the suburban garden. I suspect that people like me who would like to see more on garden history, botany etc are in the minority and as ever the media plays to the majority. Oh well, will dust off some books and entertain oneself that way.
Glad to hear the shoulder is on the mend and bulbs are strewn
Thank you for putting the thought in my mind.
I’m afraid we are an extremely small minority which is why it is good that eighty percent of the programme appeals and we should be able to overlook the remaining twenty percent.
I had wondered why all those little DIY sequences had been included – they are a little too reminiscent of Toby’s 30 minute makeover spots on GW. I also feel for poor Alan Gray and Graham Robeson, who presumably have to trail around behind AT filling in all the holes that he has dug all over their wonderful garden, although the display he made in one of their greenhouses was very much in their style anyway. It made me laugh when he built the little fernery/sedum garden under the corner of their magnificent 40′ long bench in the palm garden, it couldn’t been been more out of scale if a Borrower had made it!
Another three men? Hurray!
For that bit I was too busy trying to catch a better look at Alan Gray’s trouserings. They were canary yellow and three quarter length but he did not stand still long enough for me to be absolutely certain.
Noone told me until last week that AT had a new series on…..would you please send me a weekly preview in email form, with your suggestions for my televisual pleasure over the following 7 days, there’s a good chap.
I think you will find that the relevant information was written on fine parchment and laid out beside your breakfast at least a fortnight ago.
You shouldn’t look at the Beeb TV messageboards they are bad for your soul. Do bear in mind though that there are only 5 actual contributors (2 of whom are misogynists) saying the same thing on the same thread over and over again.
I agree that Alan is an excellent presenter, unfortunately because this is the case he has become irritatingly ubiquitous – if it’s gardening and being chummy it must be Alan, if it’s farming and striding around being deep and meaningful it’s Monty. Perhaps we could have an intelligent presenter who is both philosophical and frothy at the same time – any ideas?
I think that young Mr Beardshaw has great potential.
One of the message board people, a Scot called (if I remember rightly) Ken Smart took a violent dislike to me a few years ago. I think it was partly my hat and partly that he though I was a mincing poltroon.
He had a point of course but I stopped looking after that.
To think I found it hard work planting fifty tulip bulbs in my own garden.
I also find the new Alan Titchmarsh series strange. I’m always happy to look at great gardens but then when Alan constructs one of his faux-historic wonders I’m shouting at the television, ‘Alan, that’s revolting!’ I preferred his hair in its floppy days, BTW 🙂
It’s okay I have some finely honed gardeners at the peak of fitness to plant the bulbs. Sadly I am past it when it comes to digging thousands of holes at high speed.
One of the great pleasures in life is to shout “That’s revolting” at the television. It is even better if you do it in a Greg Wallace or Stacey Solomon voice.
There’s a kind of smugness about always being so easily pleased, isn’t there?
If you say so, Anne.
I prefer to think that it is better for the soul and general peace of mind, especially over those things over which one has absolutely no control.
I wonder if you might consider a piece for thinkingardens, telling us about why it would be good for all our souls not to take gardens seriously? It’s a case worth making, for you?
Why does the BBC always seem to make a pigs ear out of a silk purse. Great idea a garden history series, travel the country and examine some of the finest gardens in the world, what makes them so special and “de-code” their designs, then Get Mr T to front it, then get him to stand there and embarrass himself by performing some B&Q style “fix it for a fiver”.The ugly ghost of Ground force rears it head once more I fear!
Chelsea Flower Show, worlds leading floral show, multi million pound tribute to all thing flora then they get Nikky Chapman (more wooden than a garden bench) to do “Strictly come flower arranging”.
G. World, poor Toby trying to get beyond A B C gardening, slipping in a technique here and there only to have Alys waft past causing all the old girls to exclaim that they had the very same dress back in the war!
It seems that the BBC has a very mixed view of its target audience; on one hand they think its ladies of a certain age that find Mr T stirs those long lost hormones back into action, then they assume these same viewers have never potted a petunia in their lives by dumbing things down to such a level that they may as well get the Chuckle Brothers to front their programs.
There are a number of “celebrity” gardeners that the BBC could call upon who could offer a real insight into the establishing and caring for a garden, Dan Pearson, Cleve West, Chris Beardshaw and yourself all with an engaging manor and experience both with a trowel and a camera. Come on, next time you are at the BBC tell them they need to sort it out won’t you?
By the way Respec’ for the Warrior Dubz, play it LOUD!!
p.s I’m not a miserable old fart……all the time 😉
Thank you for commenting.
That rather proves my point that people get rather agitated by garden television.
My point is that there is not much mileage in concentrating on the negatives when, as you say, there are many good things. In Alan’s series, the garden history bits are excellent, most of the Chelsea Flower show coverage is great and a lot of Gardeners world serves its purpose admirably.
And Chris B, Cleve and I turn up occasionally.
So, on balance, all is pretty good: not perfect but okay. And nobody got hurt.
Have turned up the volume.
I have a theory that someone bottled it and demanded the makeover bits be added in at the last minute. That’s the only way I can reconcile the well made and researched garden history stuff vs the shabby, amateurish ‘projects’.
The BBC did show a great garden history only programme recently. Dan Cruikshank did one on the history of public parks – probably even more of a niche audience than AT’s programme has. But it was on BBC4 – that haven of programming that both Dawn and I escape to from time to time. Perhaps the beeb also thinks AT can’t do serious and scholarly as well as Dan can any more?
You may well have hit the nail squarely upon the head.
I completely missed the Dan Cruikshank series even though I tend to join you and Dawn over there on occasions.
But never during Strictly!
I can’t diss the beeb gardening messageboards; it is where I met the oh so soft Ms Sock many planting by the moons ago. They are full of lunatics & vitriol in about equal amounts. Are those statements mutually exclusive I wonder.
If you tell me that Ms Sock is actually Ken Smart I am going to weep.
I am not Ken Smart and to my certain knowledge never have been!!
I breathe again.
I would get remarkably worked up about garden television, too, especially if we had any. We have one lousy radio show on the weekend: topics range from spider mites to begonias. I just can’t get passionate about spider mites or begonias….
Christine in Alaska, no begonias or garden passion at the moment
If you like garden television that involves very little information then I urge you to trawl through the Three Men Went To Mow back catalogue here – http://www.3menwent2mow.com/3MenWent2Mow/You_Tube.html
Present company excepted – strikes me that some messageboards/forums are dangerous for democracy. We need to vow to keep the BBC GW one to ourselves so the powers that be don’t all tar us with the same leaf broom and lock us away in gulags. I gather it’s difficult to garden in permafrost? I tried to defend Toby on numerous occasions and still carry the scars – but there’s a serious point in this – I probably wouldn’t be the enthusiastic amateur/hobbyist gardener I am without the likes of Toby, Cleve, Ann-Marie, Joe, etc all popping up in programmes going back many years now that wouldn’t pass the purists’ tests probably, yet all had magic moments in their own way. I’m grateful. If I have to put up with a turf seat to be entranced by the rest of AT’s Garden Secrets, it’s a price I’m willing to pay.
Perfectly put: I tend to read the paper while people are doing uninteresting things during television programmes. Or eat stuff.
If you thought that he was wearing bright yellow three quarter length trousers, then he was. I have seen both of them in some delightful outfits, but my husband’s favourite is the floral Cath Kidston pinny that Alan wears to garden in in the summer.
I have vivid memories of them both at Chelsea a couple of years ago in perfect Vivienne Westwood from shoes to ties.
Sorry, but I love the AT series. It’s good to see him on his knees again and the inserts are an excellent way of making landscaping history relevant to the great unwashed (me included).
Keep working that shoulder James. Congrats to Lia on winning the FIFA vote and commiserations to the deposed champ – who perhaps needs to consider the brown envelope route.
Wondered why nobody else had commented when you pointed out that I was on your old blog. Now that I have read all the other comments not sure whether I really need to copy and paste my contribution, but seeing as it is snowing outside and I can’t go out digging here goes…
Hate to agree with you James; I was surprised how much I was enjoying Alan’s ramblings (don’t watch gardening programmes very much anymore, but it happened to be on) until he started to make his ace of spades thyme parterre and his garden disappear into the hedge with a dodgy mirror perspective trick.
Anyway, I am so glad I am not still waiting for you to scatter bulbs around for me, hope they all made it safely underground before all this snow!?